This began as just a bit of fun really (and it really was fun!), but it does also mark quite a shift for me in a way - since the age of about 5 or 6 I have had a wide range of facial and bodily tics. I have lived with them for over 35 years and they are just a part of life - I control them well and most people don’t even notice me doing them. 2 years ago, for the first time, I developed a really painful one in my shoulder and had to seek medical help. After over a year of waiting I finally met with a consultant and also a clinical psychologist and was given a diagnosis of persistent tic disorder/ Tourettes Syndrome earlier this year. This has led me on a real journey of self discovery. This piece of music is really the first time that I've tried to play around with my tics in any sort of constructive way.

Let me explain... I decided to try something completely different to anything that I have tried before. One of my tics is a deep guttural humming sound at the back of my throat. I've done it for years, but recently have begun almost playing with it in a way that I don't with any of my other tics by allowing it to just happen and using it to generate rhythms and simple bass lines. They are often very repetitive. The lower part of the gritty bass line that runs throughout this piece of music is a 16 bar loop of one of these ‘hums'. I allowed it to happen (didn’t fight the premonitory urge) to see where it would go, and then I copied it using a midi keyboard. Afterwards I assigned a synthesiser sound to it. Interestingly I have discovered as a result of doing this that the 2 main notes that I do it in are E and F!! lol! (this one is F). The percussive sounds that begin around 30 seconds in are also based on some of my tics. Using a midi drum machine I assigned different pads from the midi controller to several different tics in my back, shoulder and neck and built up layers of this to create another 16 bar loop. I listened to the bass line on repeat in headphones and as the urge to tic arose I allowed it to happen and immediately tapped the pad to create a note. Although the loop is only 16 bars long - so about 27 seconds - this was created over about a quarter an hour of layering them up, and I have then gone through afterwards and removed quite a number of them that were really out of sync with the timing in order to produce something that worked musically. The result is a bit strange, but it does kind of work in a weird way. The rhythm that kicks in after 2mins 15 is a sample loop of a trap beat with my 'tic rhythm' over the top. All the other sounds and rhythms are things that I've played to make it a bit more interesting - mainly using Spitfire Audio LABS and BBC Symphony Orchestra Discovery Plugins.

Next step...I suppose trying to create an entire piece of music using the tics. Also perhaps not taking out all of the beats that don’t work musically - just letting it be. Maybe even an interactive model.